DDLG questions

Q & A

Advice Column Questions and Answers

 

Q: No. 1

Hello !

spot a fake daddy
Spot a fake daddy

My name is Promethea. I am 18 just getting into ddlg, I am trying out online dating because I live in the Caribbean where its not really accepted. Do you have any tips on how to spot a fake daddy or any hint I should look out for? I am also having trouble making little friends any tips on how to make more friends in the community.

 

Ans:

Good morning Promethea!

I hope you are doing well! Thank you for your email and your questions! Searching online for people to connect and interact with is a good idea. There are a variety of different ways to do so. If you are looking for other people into the kink who may be in your area, I would suggest signing up for FetLife and seeing if there are any events (munches or little meet-ups) available in your region. If not, you can always meet people online using FetLife, Instagram, Reddit, Tumblr and Twitter.

There is also a new website that is up and coming called kinkhub.co that is like an international 18+ kinky version of Facebook. As you are new to the lifestyle though (congratulations and welcome), I would suggest doing a bit of research first so that you really have a grasp of what you are getting into, and what certain aspects you might enjoy about DDLG and being a little.

You might want to search terms like “DDLG”, “CGL”, “littlespace”, “BDSM”, and “ageplay” to get a better idea of the lifestyle. You can also check out the BDSM wiki at http://www.bdsmwiki.info/Main_Page . I’d you prefer books, there is a great book called “The Big Book for Littles” that you can find on Amazon and Kindle. When it comes to spotting fake Daddies or fake Doms, there are quite a few things that can raise a red flag. Here are some things to watch out for:

  • They seek sexual contact before they try to get to know you.
  • They immediately tell you to give them an honorific ie. call them Daddy, Sir, Master, etc. without any relationship or agreement in place.
  • They try to make you do things that make you feel uncomfortable, even after you’ve told them that they do.
  • They do not take consent seriously and push boundaries.
  • They alienate you from your friends and family and demand that you give them all of your time and attention.
  • They try to hurry your decision on them instead of taking the time to allow you to get to know them and vice versa.
  • They try to make you send nudes, or send you nudes, without any agreement to do so.
  • They guilt trip you to try to get you to agree.
  • They say that needy littles or littles who want or need attention are “annoying”.
  • They do not provide you with the attention or time that you need.
  • When in a relationship, they expect more from you than they are willing to provide.
  • They will not talk about past relationships when you are vetting them/trying to get to know them.
  • If they are involved in the local scene, they discourage you from asking others about them or fail to provide references you can contact.
  • They are not there when you need them.

 

I hope that this helps you on your journey! If you have any other questions, please feel free to email me again!

Thanks again and take care!

Yours truly,

Miss Anjelita Foxglove

 

Q: No. 2

Hey Anjelita Foxglove,

Do you know where I can find a onesie for cheap? Onesies downunder has the cheapest I’ve seen, like $22, but those are mostly sold out in my size. I wanted the pink basic onesie but it’s sold out in my size too.

Thank you!

Regards,

Monalisa

Ans:

Hi there Monalisa,

Thanks for your email!

Yes, Onesies Downunder is a great place to pick up some onesies, and they restock often. But if you would rather not wait, you can also find a really cute plain pink onesie at a shop called Lil Kink Boutique. You can find the onesie at https://www.lilkink.com/collections/onesies/products/lil-baby-doll-pink-onesie-new-size-chart . Let us know if you plan to purchase. We might be able to give you a discount code.

 

I hope this helps!

Yours truly,

Miss Anjelita Foxglove

 

Q: No. 3

Is it alright to be a Tom boy little? I like my stuffies and blankie but I also like playing in the dirt and rough housing. I’ve always been told that I need to be girly to be a little.

Thanks

Helen L. Lane

 

Ans:

Good morning, Helen !

That is a common misconception – that being a little has a specific aesthetic or look. There are plenty of people who do enjoy the kawaii, pastel aesthetic – often associated with femininity. However, you do not have to conform to this at all! There are tons of tom boy littles who enjoy playing in the dirt, collecting insects, wearing pants and shorts instead of skirts and stockings or frilly socks. Your littlespace is whatever you want it to be! If you want to climb trees instead of play with dolls, make mud pies instead of sugar cookies, then you should do it! Do what makes you happy, and don’t worry about whether you look like the other littles you are uniquely you. Embrace and express that!

 

I hope this helps! If you have any other questions, please feel free to email again!

Thanks again and take care!

Yours truly,

Miss Anjelita Foxglove

Q: No. 4

Hi Anjelita ,

Thanks for the email. I’m pretty new to all this so it’s nice to know there’s  help and advice. My question is is there any warning signs to look out for when it comes to Daddy’s, it’s just the whole dynamic’s of the relationship is so different from anything else I’ve experienced.

Thanks Maria

 

Ans:

Good morning, Maria!

Thank you so much for sending us your question. And it is a very important question, at that! There are many warning signs you can watch out for as red flags that can tell you when someone is what the community likes to call a “fake Daddy” or “fake Dom”. Here are a few important ones to watch out for.

  • They seek sexual contact before they try to get to know you.
  • They immediately tell you to give them an honorific ie. call them Daddy, Sir, Master, etc. without any relationship or agreement in place.
  • They try to make you do things that make you feel uncomfortable, even after you’ve told them that they do.
  • They do not take consent seriously and push boundaries.
  • They alienate you from your friends and family and demand that you give them all of your time and attention.
  • They try to hurry your decision on them instead of taking the time to allow you to get to know them and vice versa.
  • They try to make you send nudes, or send you nudes, without any agreement to do so.
  • They guilt trip you to try to get you to agree.
  • They say that needy littles or littles who want or need attention are “annoying”.
  • They do not provide you with the attention or time that you need.
  • When in a relationship, they expect more from you than they are willing to provide.
  • They will not talk about past relationships when you are vetting them/trying to get to know them.
  • If they are involved in the local scene, they discourage you from asking others about them or fail to provide references you can contact.
  • They are not there when you need them.

Daddy dom

I hope that this helps you!

Thanks again for writing!

Yours truly,

Miss Anjelita Foxglove

 

Q: No. 5

What do you do when you have to adult and don’t want to, and cant have your daddy do the adulting due to distance (we live across the country from each other currently because I am in school and he is military)?

 

Ans:

Good morning, 

Thank you for your email and your question. It is a very good one!

I am sorry you have to adult when you want to be little. I find that even in a long distance relationship, your caregiver can still help you to get things done, though not do them for you. Perhaps your caregiver could start a reward system for when you do the things you have to do, even when you don’t want to do them.

You can start a chore or task chart and get star stickers every time you get something important or especially difficult done. then once you have a certain number of stars, he might be able to treat you to something you really like and would enjoy in your littlespace. If he isn’t financially able to do so, then you can always treat yourself once you have all the stars and he can still monitor your progress and provide you with positive reinforcement. That will give you the motivation to do what needs to be done.

Another thing that might help you is to bring a small stuffie in your purse when you have to be an adult. Having something that reminds you of your littlespace might provide you some comfort when you are out in the adult world.

You could also provide yourself with small treats and rewards (with your Daddy’s permission) immediately afterwards – like a sweet treat, your favourite meal, a small toy or colouring book from the dollar store, etc. This may help to make your adulting feel less imposing.

 

I hope that this advice helps!

Thanks again! And take care of yourself. If you ever have any other questions, feel free to email us again!

Yours truly,

Miss Anjelita Foxglove

 

Q: No. 6

Hi Anjelita Foxglove!

I’ve been into DDLG for a bit but I finally have my first Daddy! I was wondering how I can find out my age? Sometimes I feel little and sometimes I feel middle? I’m not sure.

Thanks!

Mili Madan

 

Ans:

Good morning, Mili Madan!

Thank you so much for your email! I’m Anjelita, and I will be answering your question!

We have a fun little online quiz you can take, but in general, you don’t need to have a specific age. You can have a range – you can be a little sometimes and a middle sometimes. You do not have to limit yourself. However, I can help you to narrow it down!

The best way to figure out your age is to think of things that children might do or enjoy at that age. Dare you not very vocal in your space? Do you like onesies, sensory cubes, sucking your thumb, pacifiers and adult bottles, lullabies, maybe even diapers? This might make you a younger age (infant to toddler <1-3 years old).

If you like colouring with crayons (and maybe even colour inside the lines), are more vocal and use words more effectively, like frilly socks, are a little defiant or bratty, wear skirts, and maybe onesies for bedtime as opposed to wearing them all the time, perhaps if you like candy snacks and chicken nugget meals, and your favourite cartoons include Paw Patrol and anything MLP, you may be closer to preschool to kindergarten age – the 3-8 range.

If you are a little more defiant, enjoy music that isn’t as childish (less inclined to listen  to nursery rhymes, etc.), like wearing oversized sweaters, graphic tees and sweaters, enjoy eating mac and cheese, burgers, candy, milkshakes, and prefer activities like playing video games, watching more developed and mature cartoons (for example, anime), bowling, roller skating, crafts and more refined arts, or things like that, you may be more suited for the middle space life (young teenagers – 12-16 years old).

Again, you do not have to put yourself in a box. You could be any mix of these things, and still feel little.

Being little or a middle is more about a mindset – being open to seeing the simpler things in life and enjoying them, satisfying your desire for wonder and to wander, and being cared for.

I hope that this helps you on your journey into DDLG!

 

Thank you again for your email, and if you have any other questions, please feel free to email us at any time!

Yours truly,

Miss Anjelita Foxglove

 

Q: No. 7

Hi. My name is Remi.

My question is how do I go about finding potential Daddies?

I’m very new to DDLG, and I do struggle getting into little space. (I live with my family. And only one person knows about my little space. The rest don’t know)

Any advice or information you can offer would be wonderful.

Thank you for your time

 

Ans:

Good morning Remi,

That is a really good question, and one that we get often here at Littlespace.life.

Little Space
Little Space

Some of the better ways to find a responsible Daddy are to get involved with your local kink community. If there is a dungeon, or a munch happening (safe, non-sexual meet-ups with other kinky folk) that you can attend, you might be able to find a responsible and experienced dominant who is a daddy type.

If you have a FetLife account, you can search for events in your area. If you do not, I would suggest you get one as that would be a helpful tool in finding someone. Reddit also has some subreddits dedicated to finding DDLG partners.

Always remember to take it slow, get to know the person, vet them properly by asking them important questions and, if you can, checking their references (past partners, involvement in their local scene, etc.) before making anyone your Daddy.

 

I hope that this helps! If you have any other questions, feel free to ask.

Best of luck, Remi!

Yours truly,

Miss Anjelita Foxglove

 

Q: No. 8

Heyyo !

One question I has is am I bad for being a mixture of several different subs? Like I has brattiness but I likes to play with master and get head scratches too…?

Ans:

Hi !

Thank you for your email and your question!

It is not bad at all to have different sides you like to express. Often you will see littles who are also brats, and pets, and even slaves! We are multifaceted as human beings so it makes perfect sense that you might relate to more than one type of submissive! Experimenting with different forms of submission is great! I hope you get to learn more and more about yourself!

 

I hope that this helps!

Thanks again for writing in!

Yours truly,

Miss Anjelita Foxglove

 

Q: No. 9

Hi, Anjelita .

I’m a new little and am so happy to have your site. I guess my question would be, how does a little avoid trolls or predators online if they’re looking for an LDR?? What are some red flags to look for??

[NOTE: THIS QUESTION IS SIMILAR TO NUMBER 4 BUT WITH A BIT MORE OF A RESPONSE]

Ans:

Hi Dear!

Thank you for your email. That is such a great question. It can be hard to judge someone’s sincerity, especially online when it can be very easy to hide so many things about one’s self. Here are some red flags when it comes to what the community likes to call “fake Daddies” or “fake Doms”:

  • They seek sexual contact before they try to get to know you.
  • They immediately tell you to give them an honorific ie. call them Daddy, Sir, Master, etc. without any relationship or agreement in place.
  • They ask you for personal information very early on.
  • They try to make you do things that make you feel uncomfortable, even after you’ve told them that they do.
  • They do not take consent seriously and push boundaries.
  • They alienate you from your friends and family and demand that you give them all of your time and attention.
  • They try to hurry your decision on them instead of taking the time to allow you to get to know them and vice versa.
  • They try to make you send nudes, or send you nudes, without any agreement to do so.
  • They guilt trip you to try to get you to agree.
  • They say that needy littles or littles who want or need attention are “annoying”.
  • They do not provide you with the attention or time that you need.
  • When in a relationship, they expect more from you than they are willing to provide.
  • They will not talk about past relationships when you are vetting them/trying to get to know them.
  • If they are involved in the local scene, they discourage you from asking others about them or fail to provide references you can contact.
  • They are not there when you need them.

Also, here are some tips to help make sure you avoid a “fake Daddy”.

Fak Daddy
Fak Daddy
  1. Take your time. Do not rush into a situation where you are collared right away. Some people take years of learning about each other and going through submissive training before they consider a collar. A good sign of a fake Dom is when they ask you to be exclusively theirs and collared very early on.  If this happens, it should be a major red flag.
  2. A Dom should earn your trust and the privilege of your submission. Know that you have worth, and so does that very vulnerable side of you. The more you hold it in high regard, the less likely you are to let someone swoop in and claim it without showing you that they are truly capable.
  3. If you meet them through some form of social media (FetLife, Instagram, Tumblr, Twitter, Reddit, and other social media and dating sites), see what kind of posts and comments they make. Do they use a picture of themselves? Do they seem cordial when talking with others? Do they seem to have a working understanding of BDSM and D/s dynamics?
  4. Ask lots of questions about what they’ve done, how long they have been a practicing Dom, what they enjoy about it. Some of the answers can be very telling.

 

I hope that this helps you in your search!

Thanks again for writing in!

Yours truly,

Miss Anjelita Foxglove

 

Q: No. 10

How do you know if your daddy is good for you? Like actually good, not just compatible

 

Ans:

Hi !

Thanks for your email and your question.  This is a good one but also tricky because different people want and need different things from their partners, and so it is hard to know exactly what would make a good Dom for you without knowing more about you. But there are some general things to think about if this is a concern you might have.

Some important things to consider are:

  1. A submissive should feel safe with their Dom. They should not worry about whether they will be harmed, abused or taken advantage of in any way. If a Dom does these things, they are not good for you.
  2. A Dom should want to see their submissive grow and thrive as a person under their care – in every aspect of their life. If this means helping their submissive reach certain financial goals, career goals, educational goals, relationship goals or submissive goals, they should try their best to help their submissive achieve these things and feel great pride in their success. This does not mean that the submissive needs to change, but if there is something they wish to change in their life then the Dom should be right beside them with support.
  3. Emotionally speaking  a Dom should seek to understand their submissive, as well as be understood by their submissive. Open communication should be expected and desired by both involved. If the submissive is afraid to communicate certain things, that is a red flag that something isn’t right because it plays back into not really feeling safe.
  4. A submissive should still be allowed their autonomy as a human being, regardless of the relationship. Even in a TPE (total power exchange) relationship where the Dominant has final say on all things, the submissive is still a human who can say yes or no. If you feel that saying no to something will be harshly punished and so you fear doing so, that is a big sign that they are bad for you.
  5. Both should feel a sense of fulfillment, happiness, love when they are with each other. If there is regret or resentment then that means that something is off.
  6. Another good sign I have found is that the submissive has a desire and need to submit to them. There is less of a struggle (unless that is something both parties enjoy in a playful way) and more willing obedience because the trust is there from both partners.
  7. The Dom should want the same things out of their relationship as the submissive does. If either party has expectations that won’t be met, and neither party is willing to compromise, then that is a pretty clear sign that the relationship may not be healthy.

I hope that this answer helps  if you have any more questions, please feel free to email us!

Thanks again!

Yours truly,

Miss Anjelita Foxglove

 

Q: No. 11

Hewoo, uhm i was wo dering if u maybe know of like websites and stuff that explain lil space well aswell as being a daddy dom etc. 🤗🤗🤗☺☺☺☺

Thankiiesss☺🖤

 

Ans:

Good morning, Danielle!

Thank you for your email!

Our websites do have some information on DDLG, doms and littlespace. I will link you to those to start!

1)  https://ddlg.me
2)  https://ddlg.me/what-is-a-daddy-dom-ddlg/
3)  https://ddlg.me/how-to-be-my-ddlg-daddy/
4)  https://littlespace.life

Be sure to check back every week for new articles and blog entries about the CGL dynamic!

You can also check these websites for more information:

1)  https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ageplay
2)  https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paraphilic_infantilism
3)  http://www.bdsmwiki.info/Ageplay
4)  http://www.littlespaceonline.com/app.php/page/lifestyle
5)  http://www.littlespaceonline.com/app.php/page/littlespace

Also, if you like reading books, a great resource is a book called “The Big Book for Littles” which you can find on Amazon and Kindle.

It can be a little daunting at first, but make sure you take your time to really digest and understand the kink! There is never any need to rush.

I hope these websites help you understand DDLG a little bit more!

Thanks for your question!

If you have any other questions, feel free to email us again!

Take care!

Miss Anjelita Foxglove
Assistant and and Advice Columnist

 

Q: No. 12

How is to be a little and a mother at the same time? Is it possible?

 

Ans:

Hi there ,

Thank you so much for your email. This is such an important question, and I think this doesn’t get asked enough.

It is definitely very possible to be a little and to be a mother at the same time. The most important thing to always take into consideration, though, is to make sure you are not exposing your child to your kink lifestyle, which can make it a little difficult to Express more outwardly. Some mothers also find it a struggle to be little when they have to be responsible for another little human.

Here are some tips for littles who are also mothers.

1.  Designate time for you to be little, either alone or with your partner, and do so discretely in a separate room from your child. You can play with toys, watch cartoons, and enjoy your DDLG dynamic.

2.  You can be little around your child so long as you are still the adult, still being responsible, and still not exposing your kink. For example, it would be inappropriate to wear a diaper and onesie around your child. It would be fine to wear a onesie with a skirt or pants around your child. It would be inappropriate to act childish or throw a tantrum around your child, however it is okay to watch cartoons, eat snacks, play with their toys with them, and even use baby speak as parents outside of the lifestyle often do with very small children (this would not be appropriate as they get older, though).

3.  Remember, even as a parent you are allowed some time for fun. Hire a babysitter and, if you are involved in your local community, attend a little social, munch, or dungeon night every once in a while. Do not feel guilty to take time for yourself because we always need some self care to be the best we can be, and to many people in the DDLG lifestyle, littlespace is a form of self care.

4.  If you find you are not able to get into your little head space, give it time. Do not force it or you might end up pushing it further away. Start with small things, like taking bubble baths after a long day, doing some coloring, listening to music that makes you feel small. Engage in the activities that make you feel little to coax your littlespace out of hiding.


I hope that these little tips helped!

Thanks again for your question, and best of luck to you!

Miss Anjelita Foxglove

 

Q: No. 13

I can’t wait to get quizzes each week and check out the little store!!! My one question is what is the best onesie? Ones with hoods or footies? (No you can’t choose both this time).

But in all honesty, I have a daddy who I can ask anything and he’ll explain as best he cans so that’s the question I have for nows 🙂

 

Ans:

Hi Dear!

That is such a cute but difficult question! And I am so glad you have a knowledgeable Daddy who is willing and happy to teach you as you grow in your littlespace!

Footies keep the feet warm but may be too warm for the summer months. But they’re also fun for sliding across wood floors and slippery tile. And hoods are just so comfortable and make it easier to hide… especially if you have bedhead! So I would say…. onesies with hoods! That is my final answer!

Thanks for your question!

Take care!

Miss Anjelita Foxglove

 

Q: No. 14

 

Hi Anjelita Foxglove,

Thank you so much for letting me join you!!

I do consider myself a little …. but my little space is not found in age regression, baby talk, stuffed animals, or pacifiers. My little space is found is someone making the everyday life decisions for me, taking care of me… what I am going to eat, drink, wear, what we are going to watch on tv, what time I should go to bed….. does that still make me a little?

 

Ans:

Good morning Buddy!

Thanks for writing in! While a big part of littlespace is a desire to be taken care of by another person – it is also just a large part of being a submissive in general. Some of the things you mentioned do set littles apart from other submissives, but I think even more important than the superficial side of littlespace -owning stuffies, enjoying cartoons and sucking on pacifiers – is that littles enjoy the chance to lose themselves in something that reminds them of simpler times and an environment that fosters wonder and finding excitement in that wonder.

Littles tend to take on a more simplistic mindset – one where they try not to think about or worry about the usual things they might have to confront on a daily basis.  I feel like this is fundamental to littlespace and being a little. Also while ageplay is not a requirement, again, enjoying a certain more juvenile mindset and outlook is something that is rather important to littlespace abdl littles.

If these foundations are not really a part of your submissive headspaces, then it is possible that you may not be a little. If it is, then certainly! Pacis and coloring books do not a little make. It is all about the mentality, what you seek in your subspace, and what you need from your dominant. If it isn’t for you, that is okay too! Regardless, what you have described is definitely someone who is submissive. Having a dominant take care of you and make your decisions for you is something common in D/s relationships of all varieties.

 

I hope that this little bit of advice helps!

Thanks again and take care!

Miss Anjelita Foxglove

 

Q: No. 15

What is little space? I’ve heard about it, and I read the linked article in the email, but I don’t think I understand what it is.

 

Ans:

Hi !

Thank you for asking!

To start, DDLG is a type of power dynamic and roleplay in which the dominant takes on a caregiver role (often called a caregiver, mommy, daddy, etc.) and the submissive takes on a little role through ageplay (this could be infantile, childlike, a middle space which is much like being a teenager, etc.).

Generally speaking, when you are in submissive mode, you enter a headspace called subspace. Littlespace is the submissive headspace associated with submissives who engage in DDLG and ageplay.

While ageplay and littlespace can look different for everyone, they find common ground in that littlespace is a headspace where an adult experiences a more childlike and wondrous state of consciousness. It allows for the submissive to let go of worries and stress that may weigh them down so that they can find relief and comfort in a headspace that fosters creativity and a carefree, whimsical nature.

I hope that this answers your question! If you have any more, please feel free to email us! Also! We liked your question so much that we would love to post it anonymously to our advice column, with your permission of course. Please let me know if this is okay!

Thanks again for your email and have a wonderful day!

Miss Anjelita Foxglove