Punishing Your Submissive / Little

One of the basic tenants of submission is obedience.

A submissive is meant to obey their Dominant as the Dominant is supposed to be their guide and treated as their better. However, sometimes this is not the case.

Every now and again, even the best behaved little will act out against their caregiver’s wishes.

So, what do you do to stop it?

How do you punish a little?

First off, as always, communication is key.

Before punishment begins, have a sit down and discuss with your little what they did wrong.

Explain how it makes you feel when they do not obey you, when they step out of line.

Explain why it is important to both you and them that they do not do it again, or make this something that is recurring.

Next, choose a punishment.

Always remember that a punishment should match the crime.

Giving a punishment that is too excessive may cause resentment.

Being too soft may cause recurrence.

Every submissive is different..some love pain, some hate it.

Some love menial tasks, some despise them.

The key to choosing a proper punishment comes in knowing your little well enough to know what they themselves would consider a punishment and not funishment.

Also remember to be consistent.

As with any form of training/conditioning, if you are inconsistent with your punishments or too lenient, it may cause your submissive to flout your authority and lose respect for you as a Dominant.

I have been asked many a time by submissives what they should do with a Dominant that is not consistent and doesn’t punish when they have done something wrong.

So please, keep that in mind.

While they may not enjoy the punishment, they want to be shown and reminded that you are capable of correcting them, and that you are strong enough to stand by your word.

Being firm is important.

Not immovable, obviously. In certain circumstances, compromise should be sought and negotiation should be employed – for example, if a certain punishment cannot be enacted, this should not completely negate the punishment. Instead find an equivalent that is suitable.

Funishment vs. Punishment

Never use funishment as a form of reprimand or actual discipline.

What is funishment?

Funishment is something that could be considered a form of punishment but is lighthearted and enjoyable.

Funishment is best used for submissives that have a bratty nature that you do not wish to correct.

Funishment ends up being positive reinforcement because, while the actions might be punishments for others, in your specific dynamic, they are fun for both the Dominant and the submissive.

This is a common mistake especially among individuals new to the lifestyle.

Do not expect change when using a form of punishment that isn’t actually considered punishment by your little.

This is why it is always important to communicate beforehand what is enjoyable, what is not enjoyable, ons and offs, what constitutes a yes or a hard no.

While punishment is meant to teach a lesson, it should never cross the limits of either submissive or the Dominant.

When it crosses into this territory it is considered abuse, not discipline.

Common Punishments

Here are some punishments to consider running by your little.

Keep in mind to remind them – punishments are not supposed to be fun or something they enjoy – but, as mentioned earlier, they should not be so severe as to cross the lines of consent.

  • Spanking/Impact Play

for a submissive that is not terribly keen on impact play, a spanking can be just enough of a reprimand for an indiscretion made.

Choose a number that is just past the usual range of tolerable but one that will not trigger the use of a safeword.

Your goal is to discipline, not to push them past their boundaries.

Have the submissive count each strike.

If they miss a number, have them start over.

Remember to keep spanking to safe areas – never hit at the base of the spine or along the spine or lower back as there are vital organs that could be damaged.

Aim for the inner thighs, outer thighs, back of the thighs and underside of the buttocks.

For a harder or more sadistic Daddy/Mommy Dom this can be a treat.

  • Lines:

I have found that this tends to be a hated task amongst many submissives, littles included, which makes it great for punishment.

First, figure out a sentence that aptly describes how they misbehaved and how they are not to do it again.

For example, if you have a rule that your submissive is not to speak out of line in public, and they’ve done that, your sentence may be something like, “I will not be mouthy to Daddy/Mommy in public.”

If you are especially upset you may tack on a reason why – “because it is against our rules” or maybe “because it undermines my Daddy’s/Mommy’s authority”.

Choose a number of times they are to write this out and have them do so.

Make sure they show you the proof. If the handwriting is messy for a few of them, have the submissive rewrite those sentences.

If they miss a word, have them rewrite it.

If they try to cheat by misnumbering their lines, have them redo the whole thing.

You can have them do so in their neatest printing or cursive.

Don’t like the idea of repetitive lines?

Have them write out 20 or more reasons why they shouldn’t do what they’ve done.

  • Timeout

ignoring one’s submissive for long periods of time is never a good route to take.

Instead, put your submissive on time out.

Give them strict rules to follow during this timeout.

Some good options are no social media, no phone or computer, no television, no talking, face a corner, take deep breaths and remain calm.

Give them a specified time limit so it does not cause them unnecessary panic and they know the punishment will not go on forever.

If they break the rules, though, tack on more time.

Once their time is up, let them know they can talk to you again.

  • Gags

Especially useful for submissives that express themselves through talking, or tend to be mouthy or verbally bratty, a gag is much like a timeout in that it forces the submissive to be quiet and takes away their voice.

Again, specify the time limit and give them appropriate rules while they are gagged.

  • No Touching

A submissive always wants to please their Dominant.

In sexual dynamics, imposing a no touching rule for a duration of time could be a great punishment.

It deprives the little of that physical, sexual closeness they crave and gets across that you are upset enough to deprive yourself of that delicacy as well.

You could also choose that they not touch themselves in a sexual manner as well for a duration of time.

  • No Treats

If your little is one with a sweet tooth who is regularly rewarded with treats, take this away for an appropriate amount of time.

Usually a couple of days to a week; maybe even a month if the infraction is more severe.

  • No Cumming 

A cum ban can be a funishment to some, but to others it can be a sufficient punishment.

It can be especially useful when you still toy and play with them, edge them, but do not allow them the release they want, even when they beg for it.

This one is more emotionally impactful because of the implications.

As a Dom you want your submissive to cum for you, so their actions have now deprived you both of something you normally enjoy.

  • No TV/Netflix 

Lots of littles love watching cartoons in little space.

If they have been naughty, and not in the good way, limit their TV time, or take it away altogether for a specific amount of time.

If the infraction is not as serious, keep it to a day or two.

If it is more serious, extend it to a week.

If your little is not into cartoons but loves gaming, limit that instead.

  • More Chores

This is a good one for littles that do not enjoy doing chores.

Tacking on more for them to do will certainly teach them a lesson.

This is especially good if the wrongdoing was originally chore related.

Have them clean something they wouldn’t normally clean, or do more of one thing they already do.

Have them sort the recycling, take out the garbage, sweep, vacuum, dust.

If anything is not done perfectly, have them do it again until you are satisfied.

  • Figging

If you and your submissive enjoy anal play, this could be something that makes it less enjoyable and is more of a sexual form of punishment.

Figging is the act of taking a ginger root, peeling it, carving it into the shape of an anal plug, and inserting it into the anus.

The burning sensation is intense though harmless.

There are many precautions to take, however.

Ensure when you carve it that you do not carve it too thin and make sure you have a wide enough base to hold onto so that you will be able to pull the entire piece out.

Keep in mind it does not need to be kept in for long as the sensations will continue after removal as the body reacts to the ginger’s juices and oils.

This one is a little more severe on the pain scale so please keep that in mind.

  • Tickling

I for one hate being tickled.

While it can be fun in short bursts, being restrained and tickled at length can be very frustrating and even a little humiliating (especially if your little is also an ABDL and wears diapers).

For some this could be a great funishment, for others a great punishment.

  • Early Bedtime

No little wants to go to bed early when they could be enjoying themselves for hours upon hours.

Set a strict, early bedtime for anywhere from a day to a week depending on the severity of punishment needed.

They are not allowed to bring their phones or toys to bed with them.

If they cannot sleep then they should lay there in silence until they do fall asleep.

  • No Creampies

If your submissive is one who is perhaps a bit of a cumslut as it were, and enjoys and craves the sensation of you cumming in them, deprive them of this until they give you a few days/week/couple week’s worth of impeccably good behavior to earn back the privilege.

  • The Soap Treatment

If your submissive has a potty mouth or has said something rather distasteful, or perhaps ate a treat when they weren’t supposed to, have them wash their mouth out with soap.

Make sure they use a mild soap and rinse their mouths thoroughly when done.

Most people dislike the taste of soap, plus it is a little humiliating and patronizing, so it makes for a good physical and emotional form of punishment.

  • Temperature Play

If your submissive is not keen on more extreme temperatures, you can use this to your advantage.

Have them take a short cold shower, run ice over their most sensitive and reactive body parts, chill a glass or metal dildo or plug in cold water and insert it.

You could also do the same with heat (though I would keep heat away from more intimate spaces like the sexual organs).

They will squirm and ask you to stop.

Reiterate that this is a punishment and it will end when they have been sufficiently punished.

Aftercare and Debriefing

Even though a punishment is meant to right wrongs, aftercare is still extremely important.

I would say it is especially important.

Submissives tend to get very upset and frustrated with themselves when they find that they have disappointed their Dom.

They will need to be reassured that you still care for them, that you are not angry, that they have been forgiven, and that you still find them every bit as wonderful and desirable as you ever have.

Explain to them that you can still adore them even when they do something wrong, but that it is necessary to bring to their attention when they have misstepped and to dole out punishment accordingly to curb the unwanted behavior.

Make sure the aftercare also tends to any physical needs the submissive may have.

If you have spanked them, tied them, gagged them, or done other more physical punishments, make sure they are taken care of first and foremost.

Ice bruising flesh, run a warm bath to soothe any aching muscles, get them something sweet to stave off sub drop, snuggle them close and be near to them, bring them their favorite stuffie and a blanket, allow them to take a nap with you, etc.

Debriefing is also essential – discuss how the punishment made them feel – physically and emotionally.

Explain again why the punishment was needed.

Talk to them about what they did wrong.

Have them contemplate what they did, why they were punished, and what caused them to act out in the way that they did.

Get to the bottom of what spurned on the disagreeable behavior so that you can solve the issue together.

Did they act out because they wanted more attention?

If so why did they feel they were not getting enough attention?

Did they act out because they were angry?

What caused them to be angry enough to not discuss it and use their big words instead of breaking rules?

These are all important questions to ask because without clarification, rectifying the problem, and employing change, they will continue to act contrary to your wishes.

Remember, as a Dominant it is your duty to guide your submissive, to teach them how to be the best versions of themselves, and how to serve you in the best way they can.

It is also important as a Dom to know how to best serve and guide your submissive.

Having open and honest communication helps you both grow in your dynamic.

BDSM: What’s There To Love?

Time For Some Reflection

Normally my blogs are very informative.  Today, though, I want to give you a little bit of a more personal glimpse inside what makes me, me. What makes me tick and pulls me into this way of life.

Everyone in the lifestyle comes to it for their own reasons.

Whether they be sexual, emotional, psychological, or a combination of the three, they are all valid, but each expression also provides a different sense of fulfillment and liberation. For me, I find enjoyment in all three.

Sexual Liberation

funny bdsm image

Sexual liberation is extremely important to me – I am a sexual being and have been for quite some time.

All of the headspaces I have taken time to develop have some element of sexual expression weaved into their fabric.

Growing up in a very strict household meant that I was closeted: desires, thoughts, wants, needs were not met until I was able to leave those stifling confines and allow my wings to spread.

Exploring my sexuality was like a gateway to a world of possibility. It gave me the chance to learn more about what I needed in order to fill those wants and needs that I felt deep within me.

 

What Are You Looking For?

It helped me to realize that I needed structure – in sex, in relationships, in life, in everything. I needed someone to guide me as I often found and still find myself lacking in self-motivation, but have always been happiest and most successful when I had someone to please or make proud who was also worthy of those efforts.

Someone I could trust, someone who was intelligent, sexual, strong willed yet understanding. I needed a force that could match my own and not force me to yield for them out of fear, but make me want to yield to them because they deserved it.

I wanted and needed a Dominant. It was not until I had made my way to college that I really began to get to know myself. To put a name to what I was. What I am and have embraced in myself for over a decade now.

To my core, even though I love and enjoy topping on occasion, I am a submissive.

love handcuffs

What’s BDSM For Me?

BDSM is the way that I have been able to safely explore this part of me, without judgment, without fear, without unwanted and unexpected pain.

With consent being the most important tenet of this lifestyle, it makes coming to it with an open mind and a full heart much easier.

Seeing the potential that it could have in the right situation was more alluring to me than keeping myself completely guarded and off-bounds as I often had been – an over-exaggerated mechanism of self-protection.

Finding BDSM gave me the motivation to let myself open up and be willing to let others inside – once they passed the test, of course, as any valiant knight must, and earned the right to my submission.

This brings me to one of my most favorite aspects of BDSM; the one that really makes this lifestyle what it is.

The power exchange between submissive and Dominant.

For me, it is a struggle on all fronts.

Sexually

They need to show that they can match me – not necessarily in the most obvious of definitions – orgasm for orgasm – but more that they have the same hunger to explore, a thirst for something other, and can enjoy similar kinks that we can delve deeper into together.

Emotionally

They need to be able to be honest with themselves and with me. They need to be vulnerable and strong – to be able to withstand my worst days and also come to me and let me help heal their wounds when they need to be held up.

Psychologically

they need to be strong of mind and share the same morals and ethics.

They need to be cunning and challenge me intellectually, mentally, and be able to keep up with my rapidly moving mind. Without this foundation, my submission will not come.

There will always be a fight, something will always feel not quite right.

But when it is there – when a Dominant has all the important traits – it is the most beautiful thing I have ever experienced.

It took a great deal of trial and error to really know that I needed these things out of BDSM and out of whoever I took as a partner to stand by my side through this journey.

Failed attempts resulted in broken hearts, emotional pain, sadness, but most importantly, greater understanding of myself and the stripping away of fears I had learned over the years being compressed under someone else’s thumb and their definition of right, wrong, love, obedience, fragility.

bdsm chain

So what is it I love about BDSM? 

It is that it provides a space for this magical form of expression that gives a submissive permission to find strength in something that seems (but definitely is not) powerless, and the Dominant a chance to show why they are worthy of such wonderful fragility.

I have a tattoo on my thigh.

It is of a rope tied in a celtic knot and made to look like a skeleton key to signify an adage that strikes a chord deep within me – “that which binds me sets me free.”

Whether I find my freedom tied by rope, guided by rules, made to feel small in little space, blissed out in pain, or offering up myself and all I have in service, every form of binding gives me the chance to be free – to freely express my emotions, to be my most content liberated self.

To be a submissive who is in love with subservience and finding strength and purpose in giving myself heart, body and soul to fulfilling that purpose.

That is what I love about BDSM.

 

BDSM Collars: A Complete Guide

restrained-grace-collar-2

 

bdsm collars: everything you ned to know

The topic of collaring comes up quite a bit in the online BDSM community and many people have different ideas and understandings of how collaring works and the importance behind it.

Some take it very lackadaisically while others may take it as seriously as an engagement or wedding.

If you have been in this community for a while, you have probably talked about collaring and maybe been collared yourself in the past!

If you are new, you might be wondering about what all the hubbub is about!

So, today I will be talking about collars – what different collars exist, when and how they are used, and of course why.

For some, this may be new information to take in.

For others, this may just be a brief refresher.

Regardless, I hope you find it helpful!

Types of Collars

bdsm collar types

Collaring has a very rich and deep history, stemming all the way back to the leather community with regards to modern day BDSM, and even further back with regards to slave culture in general.

To many in a D/s relationship, the use of a collar is ceremonial and holds a great deal of significance and symbolism – showing the progression of a D/s relationship as time goes by and the bond between Dominant and submissive changes and grows.

To others, it may just be a tool to denote playtime.

Let’s start with the basics.

The Play Collar

A play collar is often also called a kitten collar and one you will often find associated with pet play, though that is not its only use.

It is considered to be a temporary and informal collar, often used in dungeons to show that the submissive wearing it belongs to a Dom for the duration of their scene, or is used in play that calls for a collar – pet play, slave and Master roleplay.

The point is, after the scene is done, the collar comes off.

It’s significance ends there.

Outside of the dungeon, it is usually put on at the beginning of play and removed at the end of the scene and aids in the submissive achieving a deeper and ore involved subspace.

They are usually made of leather or ribbon and can be easily fastened and unfastened.

Day Collar

day collar

A day collar is a discrete collar that is made to be worn so that the submissive can still wear a collar to signify their relationship status and possible ownership in public.

It is a safe and comfortable form of expression without being glaringly obvious.

Day collars tend to have a more secretive way of locking or just use a normal lobster clasp.

Some look like dainty, elegant necklaces while others might involve a small hidden lock or be made of sturdier hardware.

The main function is to be able to continue to wear a collar for the submissive and the Dominant to recognize while the rest of the world may not.

In some D/s expressions, though, especially in more strict Master and slave dynamics, if someone has received a full slave collar, it is never to be removed or replaced, even by a day collar for discretion.

Day collars can be made of just about anything

It is common to see ones maid of a light chain and incorporating the Ring of O in the design.

Protection Collar

While this collar does not mean ownership of a submissive, it is still to be recognized and respected.

This collar is given to a submissive by a Dominant who acts as a Dominant in a protective role.

The Dominant is not to be considered their Master or owner, however it ensures that others know, while the submissive wears this collar, they are not to be approached without permission and will likely be properly vetted by the Dominant who holds the collar.

This dynamic is one where the Dominant is looking out for the submissive and would vet other doms before allowing pursuit of the submissive.

Collar of Consideration

This collar is given when a relationship moves into something more serious than just casual play.

It is akin to serious dating in the vanilla world.

It is usually leather and can be removed for public appearances but is otherwise always to be worn when in the presence of the Dominant.

In this stage, the Dom and the submissive are learning more about each other, delving more deeply into their D/s relationship and how they express themselves, learning what the other needs from them in order for them to fulfill their respective duties sufficiently.

Consideration can be revoked if rules are broken or if either party is not getting what is agreed upon from their relationship.

The Training Collar

Not to be confused with a training collar specifically used for pet play, this level is considered a step up and would be akin to a promise or engagement ring in the vanilla world.

At this point there is often a contract or agreement as to what is expected of both parties.

This is the time when the submissive is being trained to be of service to their Dominant, which in turn means more structure and responsibility in the relationship for all parties involved.

These collars will not be removed just from a simple misstep.

It may be a leather collar or a metal collar that can be removed, again, when necessary (showers, medical emergencies, certain social and public events, etc), but should always be worn in the presence of the Dominant.

 

Slave/Formal Collar

slave formal collar

This collar is used when both patties are ready to take their relationship to the final level.

It exemplifies complete commitment and ownership and submission in a D/s relationship and is akin to a wedding ring.

Often the couple will have a collaring ceremony during which the collar is given, placed, and a renewable contract is signed.

This is a metal collar that is never to be removed, save for in a medical emergency.

It shows that the submissive has given everything of themselves over to their Dominant and trusts them to guide them through life.

It also shows that the Dominant is there to guide them through life, to love and support them and their growth.

This does not mean there is no autonomy in the relationship.

It does mean, however, that the submissive is fully owned, happy and willing to serve, and that the Dominant has taken the responsibility of lifting you up through your service.

 

Collaring in Online Communities

bdsm collar

With BDSM becoming more prevalent in mainstream communities, it is no wonder that there are now plenty of ways to meet Dominants and submissives online – whether in specific chat rooms or Reddits geared towards the topic of BDSM, image sites like Tumblr, roleplay sites like Elliquiy and F-List, or dating, meeting and community sites like Fetlife.

BDSM has extended its reach.

However, you may find in online D/s communities and relationships that you have a higher concentration of new entrants into the lifestyle, or those who are learned but toxic, and you may see a collar is quickly given and just as quickly removed.

The term given for this is the “Velcro Collar”.

It is meant to be a negative term and demeaning, though I believe it is also meant to increase awareness and understanding amongst those who engage in online D/s relationships that collaring is not something meant to be taken lightly; that D/s relationships require commitment, maturity and mutual respect.

 

Looking for a Collar?

BDSM Collar Shop

A relative newcomer on the scene, this collar shop has a pretty good selection of BDSM Collars, nipple clamps, and BDSM restraints (check them out here)

They ship directly from the supplier, which keeps their price low, but be prepared to wait 1-3 weeks for your collar to arrive.

That being said, there are some great bargains to be had, and they have custom collars available as well!

Etsy

Etsy is a great place in general to search for BDSM gear – though the price tag can be a bit steep as is expected with handmade custom niche items.

A quick search on Etsy can bring up a whole range of bespoke shops that can make you something unique, regardless of the level or type of collar.

The best ways to narrow your search are to know what you are looking for – type of collar, materials, etc. and have an idea of the money you want to spend.

Take a look around. You are bound to find something you will like!

 

Melted Kitten Creations

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(Image credit: Melted Kitten Creations on Instagram)

This shop specializes in very intricate and ornate kitten play/pet play collars.

They are sturdy enough to withstand playtime and a bit of tugging, but not meant to be roughly handled as they are a little more delicate.

Depending on how stubborn the pet or how rigorous the training and play, they might not be for you.

melted-kitten-creations-2

(Image credit to Melted Kitten Creations on Instagram)

They have regular releases that are announced on Instagram and often open up custom slots for people to purchase.

They use Etsy as their selling platform.

The prices range from $40 USD and go up from there depending on the hardware used.

 

Restrained Grace

restrained-grace

restrained-grace-collar-2

(On the left, DDLG Pacifier Charm Collar – $55 USD. On the right, Kitten Play Charm Collar – $55 USD. Image credit to Restrained Grace.)

Home of some of the most beautiful and elegant play and day collars I have seen, Restrained Grace’s designs are simple but beautiful, fulfilling both form and function.

They use leather, metal chain and pearls to create stunning collars that can be used in a variety of BDSM sub genres – including pet play, DDLG, and slave dynamics.

lockable-lavender-day-collar

(Lockable Lavender Ring of O Pearl Day Collar – $110 USD. Image credit to Restrained Grace.)

The shop has both an Instagram and an online store front ( https://www.restrainedgrace.com/collections/new-1 ) that you can peruse and purchase from.

rose-gold-steel-infinity-slave-collar

(Rose Gold Steel Infinity Slave Collar – $75 USD./Image credit to Restrained Grace.)

Their prices are pretty decent and tend to range from $30-$120 USD depending on the materials used.

They also have some promoters on Instagram that provide discount codes you can use to save some money on your purchase.

Over all – they offer a wide range of collars that span multiple levels of commitment and different types of play.

 

Sub-Shop

sub-shop-collar

(SUB Black Leather Rhinestone Letter Collar – $19.95 USD. Image credit to sub-shop.com )

Sub-Shop is one of the most reliable one-stop bondage gear websites I have encountered.

Shipping times are impeccable and product quality has never let me down.

They have every manner of collar – rubber and PVC O-ring and D-ring collars, metal collars, corset posture collars, collars that are also gags, pet play collars and leash sets, slave collars – the only thing I haven’t seen is ribbon/kitten collars – but everything else seems to be accounted for.

Their prices are also very reasonable with a very wide range from $15 to $100 USD.

 

Amazon

amazon-locking-submissive-collar

(Amazon.com – $157.00)

Generally speaking – you can find just about anything on Amazon.

A quick search for “bdsm collars” brought up several options – ranging from metal day collars like the one pictured above, to simpler leather or fake leather collars with O-rings, to collars with lettering and locks.

My advice when dealing with Amazon is always look at how many purchases have been made, the rating the item has receive and whether there are any reviews so you do not end up getting something you didn’t purchase.

Price ranges are the most dynamic on Amazon.

You could find something as cheap as a few dollars or as expensive as a couple hundred, depending on what you are looking for.

Again, however, there seems to be an underrepresentation of kitten play ribbon collars, so id this is what you are looking for, you are better off trying one of the other shops that offers this style of collar.

 

Eternity Collars

eternity-bdsm-collar

(Limited Edition Titanium Eternity Collar in Radiance Finish – $205 USD.Image credit to Eternity Collars)

Eternity Collars is an online shop that is well known amongst the veterans in the community.

They are the go-to source for eternity collars (aka full slave collars).

They have expanded their product style to include lockable leather collars and discreet day collars, as well.

The collars are finely wrought, with a simple, elegant design, and made from quality leathers and metal

The price tag is certainly more hefty – ranging from $60-$300 USD – but it is well worth it.

These collars are made for commitments that are not to be taken lightly.

In Conclusion…

Regardless of whether your relationship is in person or long distance and online – and regardless of the level of commitment or the type of play – there is a collar for you.

Not everyone’s relationship or their expression of it looks the same – it is important to recognize and know the difference between individuality and abuse.

Always remember that a collar is what you make it and keep in mind the weight of importance and respect behind the symbol.

 

Ultimate Guide To Bondage Rope [UPDATED 2019]

Get Tied Up

Starting with ropes

You might have seen these amazing Japanese knots –  or it just that your boyfriend’s allergic to metal, and you have to use hump ropes to tie him down?

Following years of experience as a rope master in Wisconsin’s BDSM scene, I’m here to share some of my wisdom, and help you with your first BDSM rope ties.

What kind of rope do you need?

In general, good quality rope can be costly – but this is one of those things where you don’t want to go cheap.

Looking around at your local hardware store, you will find that there are some sturdy options that won’t break the bank.

First, start off with a little rather than a lot.

It’s better to have to reorder more rope because you like it than to be stuck with a bunch of rope you don’t want to use.

Most beginners don’t know if rope is something they’ll like, so they go to the hardware store and buy a pack or two of cotton or nylon rope.

This rope is good for a beginner, but long term a rigger will want to upgrade their kit.

For one, it has no grip, so many of the twists and turns that are made while tying slip and move around.

This rope holds knots well –  but a little too well.

Cotton and nylon tend to compress and the knots tighten rather than allowing the rigger (ie. the person tying the ropes) to put the correct tension on.

The best place to buy rope is from a vendor on the web. The important thing is to find one with a good reputation that people recommend.

I like to have rope in both 6mm and 8mm thickness.

It just depends on what ties you use or who your subject is.

Different Ropes For Different Folks

I think 6mm looks less than ideal in most ties – but a lot of people on Fetlife use it for pretty photos when tying very small rope bottoms.

Make sure you have various lengths on hand too (just make sure you know it… you never cut a rope unless it is an emergency situation).

I don’t really like joining two sections and rope that is too long can be cumbersome.

Too short and you can’t complete the tie or will have to join rope.

The perfect lengths also depend on the rope bottom as well.

Obviously bigger bottoms will require longer ropes.

Choosing rope is a very personal decision so it’s important that you think about your needs and wants and choose appropriately as your rope will become the tool of your trade.

Once you’ve found the rope you want to use you will be anxious to wrap it around someone.

But first you need to become familiar with the rope and how to use it safely (next writing on this) and effectively. But right now we will focus on becoming familiar with the history.

Lets geek out on some history

Most rope bondage done in kink today is Japanese in origin. You might have heard the terms Shibari or Kinbaku, but for me those are too much.

In my mind the bondage we do in the West is more plain and simple then those fine arts.

Here’s a good story.

During the feudal Edo era in Japanese history, samurai used rope in combat and to restrain prisoners of war with a brutal art called hojojutsu that has nothing to do with the fun-loving-erotic thing we enjoy today.

At the time, official laws used knots to torture and extort confessions from captives, and to display alleged criminals to the public.

Public punishment specifically fit the crime, so the tie used to administer it created a legible, symbolic admonition for crowds of onlookers.

The samurai (being both honorable and practical) tied their captives as restrictively, but also as ornately as possible.

The more ornate and complicated the tie, the more respect was shown, so they got VERY complicated.

Safety, Safety, Safety

Safety is not sexy, but neither are accidents.

Rope bondage can be a dangerous activity.

Neither the human body nor ropes are completely predictable and as such, the combination of the two comes with certain inherent risks that are never completely avoidable.

You don’t want your bottom to get hurt – even a tiny bit – and you especially don’t want to put their life at risk!

What may be entirely safe with one person may cause injury in someone else, and in no way do I suggest that bondage will be safe even if you follow all the guidelines set forth in this article.

Rules To Live By

Don’t do it if you’re not sure what you are doing.

Know what you are doing and don’t go too fast.

Train on everything before you do it for real.

Going step by step is slow and boring but it is a real necessity.
Make sure you always have scissors, knife, EMT shears, or something similar on hand.

Don’t wait for the leg to become blue or your subject to faint. If you’re in doubt, cut the rope.

Know what you know and don’t try to do more.

It is probably a bad idea to some amazing pictures and think that you can do the same.

Practice Makes Perfect

Do the groundwork first.

Remember the finger rule – any tie should be loose enough you can slip a finger between the rope and skin.

Talk to your bottom. Make sure you know about any medical issues, fears, etc.
Know your ropes, your hooks, your round steel rings and your D rings.

Make sure they are all maintained and in good condition.
Don’t make quick decisions.

Plan it all in advance.

True, it is not sexy but it is a must.
Your bottom is the main attraction.

Talk to him/her.

Make sure to warn her/him before you are doing anything special, anything that will require him to do some effort.

If he/she said that something is wrong then something is wrong.

Stop and check.

In Conclusion

You are responsible for your own actions so use your head and when necessary, get medical advice.