Time For Some Reflection
Normally my blogs are very informative. Today, though, I want to give you a little bit of a more personal glimpse inside what makes me, me. What makes me tick and pulls me into this way of life.
Everyone in the lifestyle comes to it for their own reasons.
Whether they be sexual, emotional, psychological, or a combination of the three, they are all valid, but each expression also provides a different sense of fulfillment and liberation. For me, I find enjoyment in all three.
Sexual liberation is extremely important to me – I am a sexual being and have been for quite some time.
All of the headspaces I have taken time to develop have some element of sexual expression weaved into their fabric.
Growing up in a very strict household meant that I was closeted: desires, thoughts, wants, needs were not met until I was able to leave those stifling confines and allow my wings to spread.
Exploring my sexuality was like a gateway to a world of possibility. It gave me the chance to learn more about what I needed in order to fill those wants and needs that I felt deep within me.
What Are You Looking For?
It helped me to realize that I needed structure – in sex, in relationships, in life, in everything. I needed someone to guide me as I often found and still find myself lacking in self-motivation, but have always been happiest and most successful when I had someone to please or make proud who was also worthy of those efforts.
Someone I could trust, someone who was intelligent, sexual, strong willed yet understanding. I needed a force that could match my own and not force me to yield for them out of fear, but make me want to yield to them because they deserved it.
I wanted and needed a Dominant. It was not until I had made my way to college that I really began to get to know myself. To put a name to what I was. What I am and have embraced in myself for over a decade now.
To my core, even though I love and enjoy topping on occasion, I am a submissive.
What’s BDSM For Me?
BDSM is the way that I have been able to safely explore this part of me, without judgment, without fear, without unwanted and unexpected pain.
With consent being the most important tenet of this lifestyle, it makes coming to it with an open mind and a full heart much easier.
Seeing the potential that it could have in the right situation was more alluring to me than keeping myself completely guarded and off-bounds as I often had been – an over-exaggerated mechanism of self-protection.
Finding BDSM gave me the motivation to let myself open up and be willing to let others inside – once they passed the test, of course, as any valiant knight must, and earned the right to my submission.
This brings me to one of my most favorite aspects of BDSM; the one that really makes this lifestyle what it is.
The power exchange between submissive and Dominant.
For me, it is a struggle on all fronts.
They need to show that they can match me – not necessarily in the most obvious of definitions – orgasm for orgasm – but more that they have the same hunger to explore, a thirst for something other, and can enjoy similar kinks that we can delve deeper into together.
They need to be able to be honest with themselves and with me. They need to be vulnerable and strong – to be able to withstand my worst days and also come to me and let me help heal their wounds when they need to be held up.
they need to be strong of mind and share the same morals and ethics.
They need to be cunning and challenge me intellectually, mentally, and be able to keep up with my rapidly moving mind. Without this foundation, my submission will not come.
There will always be a fight, something will always feel not quite right.
But when it is there – when a Dominant has all the important traits – it is the most beautiful thing I have ever experienced.
It took a great deal of trial and error to really know that I needed these things out of BDSM and out of whoever I took as a partner to stand by my side through this journey.
Failed attempts resulted in broken hearts, emotional pain, sadness, but most importantly, greater understanding of myself and the stripping away of fears I had learned over the years being compressed under someone else’s thumb and their definition of right, wrong, love, obedience, fragility.
So what is it I love about BDSM?
It is that it provides a space for this magical form of expression that gives a submissive permission to find strength in something that seems (but definitely is not) powerless, and the Dominant a chance to show why they are worthy of such wonderful fragility.
I have a tattoo on my thigh.
It is of a rope tied in a celtic knot and made to look like a skeleton key to signify an adage that strikes a chord deep within me – “that which binds me sets me free.”
Whether I find my freedom tied by rope, guided by rules, made to feel small in little space, blissed out in pain, or offering up myself and all I have in service, every form of binding gives me the chance to be free – to freely express my emotions, to be my most content liberated self.
To be a submissive who is in love with subservience and finding strength and purpose in giving myself heart, body and soul to fulfilling that purpose.
That is what I love about BDSM.