One of the basic tenants of submission is obedience.
A submissive is meant to obey their Dominant as the Dominant is supposed to be their guide and treated as their better. However, sometimes this is not the case.
Every now and again, even the best behaved little will act out against their caregiver’s wishes.
So, what do you do to stop it?
How do you punish a little?
First off, as always, communication is key.
Before punishment begins, have a sit down and discuss with your little what they did wrong.
Explain how it makes you feel when they do not obey you, when they step out of line.
Explain why it is important to both you and them that they do not do it again, or make this something that is recurring.
Next, choose a punishment.
Always remember that a punishment should match the crime.
Giving a punishment that is too excessive may cause resentment.
Being too soft may cause recurrence.
Every submissive is different..some love pain, some hate it.
Some love menial tasks, some despise them.
The key to choosing a proper punishment comes in knowing your little well enough to know what they themselves would consider a punishment and not funishment.
Also remember to be consistent.
As with any form of training/conditioning, if you are inconsistent with your punishments or too lenient, it may cause your submissive to flout your authority and lose respect for you as a Dominant.
I have been asked many a time by submissives what they should do with a Dominant that is not consistent and doesn’t punish when they have done something wrong.
So please, keep that in mind.
While they may not enjoy the punishment, they want to be shown and reminded that you are capable of correcting them, and that you are strong enough to stand by your word.
Being firm is important.
Not immovable, obviously. In certain circumstances, compromise should be sought and negotiation should be employed – for example, if a certain punishment cannot be enacted, this should not completely negate the punishment. Instead find an equivalent that is suitable.
Funishment vs. Punishment
Never use funishment as a form of reprimand or actual discipline.
What is funishment?
Funishment is something that could be considered a form of punishment but is lighthearted and enjoyable.
Funishment is best used for submissives that have a bratty nature that you do not wish to correct.
Funishment ends up being positive reinforcement because, while the actions might be punishments for others, in your specific dynamic, they are fun for both the Dominant and the submissive.
This is a common mistake especially among individuals new to the lifestyle.
Do not expect change when using a form of punishment that isn’t actually considered punishment by your little.
This is why it is always important to communicate beforehand what is enjoyable, what is not enjoyable, ons and offs, what constitutes a yes or a hard no.
While punishment is meant to teach a lesson, it should never cross the limits of either submissive or the Dominant.
When it crosses into this territory it is considered abuse, not discipline.
Here are some punishments to consider running by your little.
Keep in mind to remind them – punishments are not supposed to be fun or something they enjoy – but, as mentioned earlier, they should not be so severe as to cross the lines of consent.
- Spanking/Impact Play
for a submissive that is not terribly keen on impact play, a spanking can be just enough of a reprimand for an indiscretion made.
Choose a number that is just past the usual range of tolerable but one that will not trigger the use of a safeword.
Your goal is to discipline, not to push them past their boundaries.
Have the submissive count each strike.
If they miss a number, have them start over.
Remember to keep spanking to safe areas – never hit at the base of the spine or along the spine or lower back as there are vital organs that could be damaged.
Aim for the inner thighs, outer thighs, back of the thighs and underside of the buttocks.
For a harder or more sadistic Daddy/Mommy Dom this can be a treat.
I have found that this tends to be a hated task amongst many submissives, littles included, which makes it great for punishment.
First, figure out a sentence that aptly describes how they misbehaved and how they are not to do it again.
For example, if you have a rule that your submissive is not to speak out of line in public, and they’ve done that, your sentence may be something like, “I will not be mouthy to Daddy/Mommy in public.”
If you are especially upset you may tack on a reason why – “because it is against our rules” or maybe “because it undermines my Daddy’s/Mommy’s authority”.
Choose a number of times they are to write this out and have them do so.
Make sure they show you the proof. If the handwriting is messy for a few of them, have the submissive rewrite those sentences.
If they miss a word, have them rewrite it.
If they try to cheat by misnumbering their lines, have them redo the whole thing.
You can have them do so in their neatest printing or cursive.
Don’t like the idea of repetitive lines?
Have them write out 20 or more reasons why they shouldn’t do what they’ve done.
ignoring one’s submissive for long periods of time is never a good route to take.
Instead, put your submissive on time out.
Give them strict rules to follow during this timeout.
Some good options are no social media, no phone or computer, no television, no talking, face a corner, take deep breaths and remain calm.
Give them a specified time limit so it does not cause them unnecessary panic and they know the punishment will not go on forever.
If they break the rules, though, tack on more time.
Once their time is up, let them know they can talk to you again.
Especially useful for submissives that express themselves through talking, or tend to be mouthy or verbally bratty, a gag is much like a timeout in that it forces the submissive to be quiet and takes away their voice.
Again, specify the time limit and give them appropriate rules while they are gagged.
- No Touching
A submissive always wants to please their Dominant.
In sexual dynamics, imposing a no touching rule for a duration of time could be a great punishment.
It deprives the little of that physical, sexual closeness they crave and gets across that you are upset enough to deprive yourself of that delicacy as well.
You could also choose that they not touch themselves in a sexual manner as well for a duration of time.
- No Treats
If your little is one with a sweet tooth who is regularly rewarded with treats, take this away for an appropriate amount of time.
Usually a couple of days to a week; maybe even a month if the infraction is more severe.
- No Cumming
A cum ban can be a funishment to some, but to others it can be a sufficient punishment.
It can be especially useful when you still toy and play with them, edge them, but do not allow them the release they want, even when they beg for it.
This one is more emotionally impactful because of the implications.
As a Dom you want your submissive to cum for you, so their actions have now deprived you both of something you normally enjoy.
- No TV/Netflix
Lots of littles love watching cartoons in little space.
If they have been naughty, and not in the good way, limit their TV time, or take it away altogether for a specific amount of time.
If the infraction is not as serious, keep it to a day or two.
If it is more serious, extend it to a week.
If your little is not into cartoons but loves gaming, limit that instead.
- More Chores
This is a good one for littles that do not enjoy doing chores.
Tacking on more for them to do will certainly teach them a lesson.
This is especially good if the wrongdoing was originally chore related.
Have them clean something they wouldn’t normally clean, or do more of one thing they already do.
Have them sort the recycling, take out the garbage, sweep, vacuum, dust.
If anything is not done perfectly, have them do it again until you are satisfied.
If you and your submissive enjoy anal play, this could be something that makes it less enjoyable and is more of a sexual form of punishment.
Figging is the act of taking a ginger root, peeling it, carving it into the shape of an anal plug, and inserting it into the anus.
The burning sensation is intense though harmless.
There are many precautions to take, however.
Ensure when you carve it that you do not carve it too thin and make sure you have a wide enough base to hold onto so that you will be able to pull the entire piece out.
Keep in mind it does not need to be kept in for long as the sensations will continue after removal as the body reacts to the ginger’s juices and oils.
This one is a little more severe on the pain scale so please keep that in mind.
I for one hate being tickled.
While it can be fun in short bursts, being restrained and tickled at length can be very frustrating and even a little humiliating (especially if your little is also an ABDL and wears diapers).
For some this could be a great funishment, for others a great punishment.
- Early Bedtime
No little wants to go to bed early when they could be enjoying themselves for hours upon hours.
Set a strict, early bedtime for anywhere from a day to a week depending on the severity of punishment needed.
They are not allowed to bring their phones or toys to bed with them.
If they cannot sleep then they should lay there in silence until they do fall asleep.
- No Creampies
If your submissive is one who is perhaps a bit of a cumslut as it were, and enjoys and craves the sensation of you cumming in them, deprive them of this until they give you a few days/week/couple week’s worth of impeccably good behavior to earn back the privilege.
- The Soap Treatment
If your submissive has a potty mouth or has said something rather distasteful, or perhaps ate a treat when they weren’t supposed to, have them wash their mouth out with soap.
Make sure they use a mild soap and rinse their mouths thoroughly when done.
Most people dislike the taste of soap, plus it is a little humiliating and patronizing, so it makes for a good physical and emotional form of punishment.
- Temperature Play
If your submissive is not keen on more extreme temperatures, you can use this to your advantage.
Have them take a short cold shower, run ice over their most sensitive and reactive body parts, chill a glass or metal dildo or plug in cold water and insert it.
You could also do the same with heat (though I would keep heat away from more intimate spaces like the sexual organs).
They will squirm and ask you to stop.
Reiterate that this is a punishment and it will end when they have been sufficiently punished.
Aftercare and Debriefing
Even though a punishment is meant to right wrongs, aftercare is still extremely important.
I would say it is especially important.
Submissives tend to get very upset and frustrated with themselves when they find that they have disappointed their Dom.
They will need to be reassured that you still care for them, that you are not angry, that they have been forgiven, and that you still find them every bit as wonderful and desirable as you ever have.
Explain to them that you can still adore them even when they do something wrong, but that it is necessary to bring to their attention when they have misstepped and to dole out punishment accordingly to curb the unwanted behavior.
Make sure the aftercare also tends to any physical needs the submissive may have.
If you have spanked them, tied them, gagged them, or done other more physical punishments, make sure they are taken care of first and foremost.
Ice bruising flesh, run a warm bath to soothe any aching muscles, get them something sweet to stave off sub drop, snuggle them close and be near to them, bring them their favorite stuffie and a blanket, allow them to take a nap with you, etc.
Debriefing is also essential – discuss how the punishment made them feel – physically and emotionally.
Explain again why the punishment was needed.
Talk to them about what they did wrong.
Have them contemplate what they did, why they were punished, and what caused them to act out in the way that they did.
Get to the bottom of what spurned on the disagreeable behavior so that you can solve the issue together.
Did they act out because they wanted more attention?
If so why did they feel they were not getting enough attention?
Did they act out because they were angry?
What caused them to be angry enough to not discuss it and use their big words instead of breaking rules?
These are all important questions to ask because without clarification, rectifying the problem, and employing change, they will continue to act contrary to your wishes.
Remember, as a Dominant it is your duty to guide your submissive, to teach them how to be the best versions of themselves, and how to serve you in the best way they can.
It is also important as a Dom to know how to best serve and guide your submissive.
Having open and honest communication helps you both grow in your dynamic.